This is a brief recounting of a day at the cardiologist for my first ever "Stress Test". I felt so grown up (old) to be taking part in such a complex procedure. I actually ran the gambit of test, from least invasive to a half-day procedure in the hospital. This is just the middle part, the stress test segment.
After being hooked up for 24 hours or so, I turned in the Holter monitor "On Time" and asked for a receipt saying so. Nit picky? - I don't think so. Late fee would be another $50 and missing (or unreturned) unit $1,500!!
The Tech who shaved my chest hair and put on the electrode pads was a very kindly looking older lady. As she ripped off the pads it was apparent that for each one of the six there was a little floating of the placement that ended up snagging on some unshaved hairs. As I was trying to distract my mind from the pain I was wondering if it wasn't similar to the feeling a fish might have when removing a hook? Did I mention there were six electrode pads?
Stress test today - another $50 office visit co-pay, more shaving of the chest (asked him (different tech, thank goodness) to make sure he took plenty extra off and make a cool design). He smiled and said, "I already did." Funny :-/
He put 6 electrodes on me with wires hanging, a blood pressure cup thingy on my left arm dangling as I walked on the treadmill and an IV port in my right arm where the "NUCLEAR MEDIUM" was to be injected. I felt totally bionic.
Started walking at a nice pace but then -"gonna make it a little steeper - gonna make it a little faster" (repeated twice more!). "H-ow mu-ch l-on-ger?" I blurted out as I huffed and puffed. He says "15 seconds" and I immediately start counting down. Finally I reach minus five and he starts to shut it down. I am grateful. Then I sit down catch my breath - in goes the nuclear stuff. It doesn't feel nuclear, whatever that might feel like.
On to the X-ray table for 15 minutes while a rotating Death Star Mechanism looking thing-a-ma-bob slowly navigated around my sides and chest. "Mr. Decker, breathe normally but lay perfectly still."
Tech leaves the room as I close my eyes so as not to look directly at the DSM-a-ma-bob. I hear the techies talking and laughing in the other room. I'm sure they're talking about me. I think one of them is eating a sandwich and laughing with her mouth full.
"All done for now come back in 3 and a half hours." He rips off the glued on pads quickly. I still have the IV port in. Can I eat? "Yes have lunch but no physical activity we want some pictures of your heart at rest." OK.
At 12:30 repeat of "on the X-ray table" glues fewer electrodes on, then when done rips them off and takes out the IV port. I think he got some skin this time - He smiled. "The doctor will review your charts and give you a call."
As I said it was not the beginning or the end of my days with the cardiology office, but it was an interesting time. In the end, after all the tests, the doctor said he wished he had my heart. I took that to mean that he had a very very healthy heart and mine looked even better. However I might think twice about going to see him again because I don't want any inadvertent heart swapping going on when I least expect it. He is a good doctor though. I really really really like him.
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